December 30, 2014

Docs!



Hey.

I interrupt your regularly scheduled programming to announce the arrival of a new family member:

You can see some expert product placement in the recycling bin.

Huzzah! Three decades too late, my first pair of combat boots!

Many thanks to all who have made this possible, namely my parents.

Anyway, it's nearly the end of 2014! I'll be spending the evening with some old friends, and you should all do the same. Or don't, if you don't want to.

December 27, 2014

Another Day



Hey.

There will be at least one more in this saga of redhead portraits... but I swear, I picked all these photos randomly.

The dapper lady above (Ariel) and I both hope you've all had lovely things occurring over the past couple of days.

Of course, lovely things should be occurring to everyone at all times, but I don't think Life works out that way.

Anyway, hope you've had a Happy Solstice, Hanukkah, Christmas, Kwanzaa, Gurnenthar's Ascendance, whatever.

December 23, 2014

Three Vignettes and a Scene from the Bedroom



Hey.

Extremely old sketch.

     My eyes follow a fly lazily circling around and landing on a donut inside the display case of the Tim Hortons. The dryness stings a bit. Around me, people scream.

*****

     They were attached to the cold, slowly rusting slabs of stainless steel in complete darkness for eighteen months.
     "Hey," the left one said, "you sentient yet?"
     "Are you kidding?" the right one said, "I was already sentient after three months of neglect."
     "Well aren't you special," said the left one.

*****

     The small child picked an apple and promptly bit into it. Its sweet juice dribbled down his chin. Although he couldn't see it, all the trees around him winced.

*****

Scenes from the Bedroom
The day to day goings-on in the Bedroom

     Her Bedroom plant, already yellowed, seemed to wilt even more as the fragrant odour of her cat's fart wafted across the room. She gave the offending kitty an indulgent smile.

     "Who's a bad kitty? Who's a bad kitty?" She paused. "You are."

     Her cat turned and exited the Bedroom. Damn right I am, it thought.

December 20, 2014

Tuna



Hey.

Maurice Ravel, my #1 composer.

The other day, I opened a can of tuna that had been languishing in my backpack for a week because I'd forgotten I'd bought it.

It looked like cat food.

Of course I still ate it. It cost like $2.50 to buy the freaking thing.

It tasted great.

Tuna 5eva





Scenes from the Bedroom
The day to day goings-on in the Bedroom

     She sneezed. "Phew! Excuse me -" She realised she was in her room. Alone. "- said the schizophrenic to the voices in her head."

     She looked back to her notes, ready to resume her study session. "At least I hope I'm alone," she muttered. "Right?

        "... Right."

December 16, 2014

The Beer Jar Pt. 3: Beerdel Test (Mill St. Vanilla Porter)



Hey.

Grabbed this from the Mill St. Brewery site, since I couldn't find the can after a night of debauchery and drunkenness (D&D).

Another beer, another installment of the Beerdel Test. This time, we will be reviewing the Mill St. Vanilla Porter.

Rules for a good lady beer can be found here.


Mill St. Vanilla Porter

This can is much more appealing to ladies than our last Beerdel test Can-Who-Shall-Not-Be-Named: a nice, neutral beige, which is a little passé (it's just SO 2010), but acceptably fashionable; and a proper flower gracing the front, sending a reassuring note to all ladies.

Beware the Trojan Horse, my fellow sistren.

December 12, 2014

Exam Break



Hey.

Some people just have shocking bone structure.

Dear Five Regular Readers,

I am lining up posts before my next block of exams. Stay upright! Unless you're sleeping of course, in which case it's perfectly acceptable to lounge a little.

Regular posts return next Tuesday.


Here I Am

As I walked towards the gym where my latest exam was being held, I thought to myself: Here I am, armed only with my knowledge and a pencil.


"Here I am, armed only with my knowledge and a pencil," said the collection of atoms. The other collection of atoms agreed. They both had a sense of self and truly believed in Ayn Rand, and thus were superior to other collections of atoms. Eventually, they died and were recycled into perfectly harmless hyacinths.

"I am here," he said, "armed only with my knowledge and a pencil." He tossed his cape back, uncovering both his shoulders and their impressive footballer shoulder pads. The pads flexed, ripping their shirts open. "HULK SMASH," they said in unison.

"Here I am, only armed with my knowledge and a pencil," she said. "Are you sure you're only armed with your knowledge and a pencil?" her Translation professor asked. He needed to learn when to turn his neuroses off.

I tried to turn the sentence into Yodish, but it didn't really work out. "Here, I am," said Yoda. "Knowledge and a pencil, I only have." His left ear twitched as he subconsciously registered the pitter-patter of a squirrel's feet. He began to salivate a little. It had been so long...

"Here I am, armed only with my knowledge and a pencil," she said. She pushed the silicone, breast-enlarging pads attached to her jumper out of the way. She was ready to brawl.

December 02, 2014



Hey.

Am on hold for finals. Enjoy yourselves.

If this meme design is yours, say hi!